


Afterlife

by casualhomesatanism



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Jealousy, M/M, Post-Recall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 15:19:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12192453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casualhomesatanism/pseuds/casualhomesatanism
Summary: ever been in love with someone who's just that much more social than you, to the point where you know you'll never keep up with them and you're left to watch them be loved from a distance?yeah.





	Afterlife

In this half of a moment, Jesse McCree truly understands déjà vu.

 

He’s watched this scene a dozen times before, in a dozen nondescript conference rooms, with a dozen sets of people. Well, the people are mostly the same, and he’s only watching one, anyway. Right now, the only difference that stands out to him is the color—harsh red, stark pale skin, and black hair and armor are all missing; in their place, vibrant green and silver warm the corners of the room. Even his color scheme screams change. Jesse is, admittedly, envious.

 

Genji turns around to greet another teammate, and Jesse smirks. Jealous _and_ envious, if he wants to be nitpicky with his words. He envies the joyful timbre of Genji’s voice, his gleaming armor, and the serenity seeping into the air all around the cyborg. At the same time, even as he absorbs every magnetic thing about his old friend, he’s jealous. Angela is sneaking glances at the wiring behind his head in a clear attempt to get in an impromptu check-up. Hana is already compiling a list of games at which she should _totally absolutely_ be able to beat him. Zenyatta’s hand rests on his shoulder, and if Jesse didn’t know better, he’d think the omnic looked shy, tucked into Genji’s side and watching the gathering in silence.

 

In all honesty, Jesse ought to be over there. He has no reason to mope on the other side of the room, kicking idly at the legs of a shitty office chair and fighting the growing desire for a smoke. If he wanted to, he could gauge more of Genji’s feelings from a pat on the shoulder than he ever could just standing and staring, but that doesn’t change jack shit in his mind, because a few polite words won’t take him back five years. They still haven’t talked about it. Jesse feels his insides twisting and forces himself to look down into the floor before he does something stupid, but even then, he can’t stop tracking Genji from the corner of his eye, as everyone moves toward their seats and the meeting begins.

 

Even when talking tactics, Genji works the room, his social ease apparent in every flippant gesture and strategic word out of his mouth. He’s humorous and deadly, affable and sharp in turns, until Jesse’s head is spinning from trying to keep up with his every nuance as the hour stretches on. He can’t look away. The green glow rippling through Genji’s lights hypnotizes him like he remembers, but the glow was red, pulsing, painful, he—he—

 

Jesse holds in a gasp. _Not now. Think about it later,_ he reprimands himself, yet his eyes are still fixed on Genji. The cyborg’s movement are sinuous and practiced in a way they never were before, as if all the ninja training finally caught up to the cybernetic body, to create the deadliest man Jesse could imagine.

 

It was that thought that pushed Jesse to realize that he was still absolutely in love with him. And that, in and of itself, was terrifying.

 

As soon as the mission assignments are set and Winston gives the dismissal, Jesse flees. Usually he’d find a nice balcony to smoke, but he needs to make himself busy, or at least look like it, so he heads to the main hangar. Surrounded by boxes of supplies and parts of an old, decimated aircraft, he leans against the wall and lights up.

 

He gets two good puffs in before he’s interrupted by a voice, softer and lower than it had been minutes before, saying, “Hey.”

 

Jesse closes his eyes. “Howdy.”

 

Even though he’s braced for Genji to start spouting pleasantries, the cyborg says nothing else, only rests against the wall next to him and crosses his arms in a playful imitation of Jesse’s posture. Two more pulls on the cigarillo, held in his chest for longer than was probably safe, and Jesse couldn’t keep his mouth shut. “We never talked.”

 

“I know.” Genji’s voice cracks, to Jesse’s surprise.

 

“I’m real happy to see you, still.”

 

Silence, again, and Jesse’s inner monologue goes back to beating him up. _He didn’t even miss you. He’s just here to make sure you fuck right off for leavin’ him._ Jesse opens his eyes, finally, and a flash of green to his right makes him turn. Genji’s watching him, intensity obvious even through his visor. “I have missed you, Jesse.”

 

Jesse swallows. “I, uh. Sorry. Yeah.”

 

Past Genji would’ve snickered at that, more mocking than friendly. This Genji tilts his head and sways closer to him, only by a few centimeters, enough to matter. “Do you want to have that talk?”

 

“Not really,” mutters Jesse.

 

“Can I… clear the air, then?”

 

 _This is it. This was your chance._ Jesse can barely speak past the thick apprehension in his throat, but he’ll pretend for Genji. Anything for Genji, honestly. “Sure.”

 

“Neither of us would have survived if we had stayed.” He was right, but Jesse’s heart constricted at the thought. “We escaped when we needed to. I wish we had been able to talk. But I also know that I was hurting more than I can even comprehend from where I am now, and I likely would have hurt you, too.”

 

“Yeah,” Jesse says. “I know.” His voice sounds tearful. He’s not crying. He hopes he won’t cry.

 

A hydraulic hiss indicates Genji removing his faceplate, and his unmodulated voice leaves Jesse shaking all the way down to his knees. “Instead, I hurt us both because I wasn’t strong enough to have this conversation.”

 

“You were.” He shakes his head, adamant, but he still can’t look at Genji. “You were so fuckin’ strong. Don’t sell yourself short.”

 

“I’m not. All I’m saying is that we… I… it may have been the best outcome, but I regret it, because now that I’m standing next to you I wish I’d never left.”

 

With that, Jesse can no longer hold back his tears. Or, at least, one of them, which settles somewhere in the dip under his left cheek, taunting him. “I thought I’d never see you again,” he responds, unsteady. “And I—a little part of me gave up then. Thinkin’ you’d never be in my life after that. Here we are, though, and I don’t know what to do with my hopeless ass at this point.”

 

“Jesse,” says Genji, urgent and still so soft.

Jesse can’t get away with avoiding Genji’s face anymore, so he looks. Like every day for the last five years in Blackwatch, he’s spellbound. The tough, ridged skin of Genji’s face is as sharp as ever, even though some of the scars have faded by a few shades, but his eyes are liquid umber, deep and tender like Jesse had never seen before. His chest flutters and his face flushes and he can’t stop himself, and he doesn’t realize until he’s already said “I still love you” that he never said it _before._

 

A beat of stillness passes between them, a moment that leaves Jesse gaping and horrified, while Genji’s eyes glimmer with some feeling that he can’t pin down. Jesse looks away, back to his feet, where the last ashes from his cigarillo fall as he pulls it from his mouth. He wants to backtrack, but he can’t bring himself to deny what he just said, because he’s _so_ in love with Genji and he has been for so long, even without the hope of seeing him ever again. There’s no way to breathe the confession back in, like a ring of smoke once it’s blown. He should look up again, cover his tracks, but Jesse only feels blank.

 

His only warning is a metallic _tap-tap,_ and then Genji is up on his toes, leaning into his space, pressing their lips together so gently it could’ve been imagined.

 

Another two hours pass, after they hug each other like the world is ending and finally part ways, before Jesse processes the words whispered against his lips, scar tissue coarse on his skin. _I love you, Jesse._

**Author's Note:**

> guess what Fall Out Boy song made me cry today
> 
> or, intrusive memories got me Fuckt Up (sorry jesse)
> 
>  
> 
> (comment/kudos if u wish, or come talk to me on tumblr @[genderfluidjessemccree](genderfluidjessemccree.tumblr.com)!)


End file.
